


not found in the dictionary

by asakuraa1



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Not Able To Feel Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 10:30:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16427633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asakuraa1/pseuds/asakuraa1
Summary: Anzu has never felt romantic love once in her life.





	not found in the dictionary

**Author's Note:**

> took a break from writing gacha jail to give lovemail to anzu  
> i don't know what i like better  
> anzu falling in love or anzu not understanding love  
> anyways i know that i love anzu

_ “Producers shouldn’t fall in love with idols.” _

 

Of course she knows that much. You’d have to be an idiot to disobey that rule.

When she first entered the school, that was the first thing she heard.

 

_ “Don’t fall in love with any of the idols, okay?” _

 

Well, it wasn’t like she could if she tried.

  
  


From as long as she can remember, she’s never felt romantic love. Of course, she’s felt love in different forms but romantic love was impossible for her.

She knows how much she loves everyone in Trickstar but that wasn’t romantic love. Loving them romantically would be unusual and strange. She enjoys spending time with them and talking to them. That’s the kind of love she feels toward them; platonic love.

 

She feels love her juniors. It was more like a maternal instinct; protecting young ones from the dangers of the world. She feels as though she was an elder sister. She is one though, despite the fact her real brother probably doesn’t feel love her as much as she did. That was the type of love she felt; familial love.

 

Her love for the third years was a bit more easier than she thought it would be. Respect was the feeling. She feels immense respect to the seniors of the student council; who would soon be gone and be taken over by a certain red-head. She respects the seniors of Ryuseitai, who go out of their way for their juniors. She respects all the third years. That’s her love for them; admiration.

 

She’s felt all those types of love except romantic love. Despite being a producer; everyone seems to forget that she’s a teenage girl. She guesses that most teenage girls her age would fall in love with someone during times like these. But she’s never felt anything like that. She hasn’t felt the feeling of being so uneasy by someone. She’s never felt the feeling of nervousness of being alone with someone special. She’s never felt the rush of excitement when someone special touches her. She’s never felt any of that. She’s felt nothing like that.

 

At this point, she thinks if she can truly fall in love with someone. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t interested. Falling in love with someone seems fascinating to her. She’s seen couples walk around; hand in hand, whispering sweet words to each other.

_ “How nice.”  _ she thinks.

How nice would it be to tell someone the feelings you harbor for them? How nice would it be if you had someone to tell them that you love them? How nice would it be if she could find someone that she can tell those things to?

 

She once looked up love in a dictionary.

Love; a strong affection for another person. An emotion that is both positive and negative.

She doesn’t understand. How can one emotion have so much effect on a person? What can love do to one person to make them change the way they act. She doesn’t understand. It’s too difficult for her. Too difficult for her to understand and feel the emotion.

 

She’s a producer and they’re the idols. Producers shouldn’t fall in love with idols. That is the golden rule. A golden rule that she follows, whether she likes it or not.


End file.
